"Eat and drink with those who have great power, sit with those, give them a pleasant hour. You'll learn good from the good; those who are not, if you mix with them, spoil the sense you've got."
--- Theognis, Greek Philosopher
Break Bread with the Best
The old adage, "Do lunch or be lunch" does have merit, for we all know that networking during business hour meals is one of the best ways of getting to know who's who. As I think about the hundreds of 'power lunch' stories I have heard or experienced, I can't help but think of a few examples that stand out as valuable lessons to common power lunch blunders:
1) Wendy the One Hit Wonder. Wendy was an affable middle manager who knew how important it was to network during meals. Sadly, not one person she had lunch with ever offered her a second lunch invitation. In one year's time, Wendy invited 45 people to lunch, and not one ever reciprocated another meeting with her.
Maybe lunch was too inconvenient, she thought. What Wendy didn't realize, and what she never learned, could have been found from this simple clue: Nobody ever invited her to lunch. Which means that nobody thought she was influential enough to be invited. Poor Wendy, Theognis was right. Power Lunches are called that for a reason: everyone wants to eat and drink with those who have power or can offer them some benefit in return.
LESSON LEARNED: Establish a purpose for your lunch. If you are the less powerful invitee, then tell your more powerful guest that you are hoping to learn something specific about him/her.
2) Pick up the Check Charley. Similar to Wendy, Charley was another mid-level nobody who understood the virtues of doing lunch or being lunch---and unfortunately, like Wendy, Charley was not someone most people would want to dine with because he too lacked power and knowledge beyond what was ordinary.
In fact, he lacked so much power that everyone he ate with out-ranked him and guilted him into picking up the checks! Out of fear of reprisal, he paid for every meal. Most everyone he dined with would say, "You invited me here, do you expect me to pay for my meal?" Then he'd never hear from them again. After spending nearly $800 on lunches in less than one year, and not gaining any sort of benefits from these so called 'power lunches', he decided to give up and eat his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches alone at his desk.
LESSON LEARNED: Establish prior agreements about each guest paying his/her own bill.
3) Overzealous Oliver. Oliver was a likable guy who wanted to make friends with his new colleagues. Since he had only been with the company for one year, he wanted to be sure people on staff knew him and liked him as a person, not just as a professional colleague. So, he'd invite people he had come to casually know through business projects out to a congenial lunch for good food and conversation that is unrelated to work.
It turns out, there were 2 groups of people in Oliver's scenario.....those who accepted a lunch date out of guilt and kept cancelling and rescheduling; as well as those who would accept his invitation, leave him saying "We should do this again sometime," and never converse with him as a 'friend' ever again.
Oliver was perplexed. What it all boiled down to was this: regardless of how nice he was, people didn't like him. He wasn't magnetic or vivacious. He was just a regular guy. So what good was he to anyone and why on earth would they want to have lunch with him and just be friends?
LESSON LEARNED: Don't try to force friendships with working lunches. It's an uncomfortalbe combination so keep them separate.
Leveraging Lunch in Your Favor
Of course, there are lunch meetings that go over very well. They ignite life long partnerships, provide valuable info for someone who is changing a career or trying to get started in a new industry, seal multimillion dollar deals, get a new job and become traditions for entire groups of workplace friends.
One variable is evident, as pointed out by Theognis: nobody wants to lunch with a loser. So if you are looking for some lunch-time companionship, here's what you should do:
1) Establish two sets of lunch groups. One for networking with upper-level executives. One for peer/colleagues or workplace pals.
2) When inviting others to lunch, always state your intention, purpose and in some formal instances, provide an agenda of talking points.
3) When setting a formal lunch meeting with an upper-level executive, ask someone in your network who knows this exec to call ahead of you and provide a "pre-invitation"--- it will increase your odds of getting an acceptance to your invite.
4) Invite your colleagues to work on a project or engage in a discussion that you were going to have in the office but do it over a brown-bag lunch in the company cafeteria or on a park bench. It will give you a good reason to get to know each other without focing an additional or awkward meeting.
What are you doing 4 lunch?
Follow these 4 friendly pieces of advice and never worry about being embarrassed by jilts, reschedules, cold-shoulders, or pressure to pay the lunch bill. More importantly, you'll be setting the menu instead of appearing on it!
Tylor Behrens - 25 years of career guidance experience ranging from corporate, higher education, start-ups, consulting to teaching and professional ...
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